Modeling - Parenting From the Heights

Modeling

Written by Anne Wiggins

Monday, 16 January 2012 16:15

Since kids learn from example, what have they picked up from you lately?

On this Monday's Heads-Up Parenting Tip (90.9 fm Arizona at 3:35p MST), I give you a heads up on a few basic ways to make sure you don't unravel what you're trying to teach your kids. Here's what I said:

"I hate to admit this on radio, but there have been more than a few times that I've heard a biting tone coming out of my children's mouths, and I realize that what I'm really hearing is myself. I usually don't even realize I sound like that until one of my kids unwittingly copies me. And then I feel convicted... and sort of sick.

Modeling correct behavior (including tones of voice) is crucial in raising great kids. You can't expect your children to do something you're not willing to, but even beyond that, they pick up so much by watching and listening to you.

Here are just a few ideas of things you can do to model good manners to your children:

1. Always treat people in public with the utmost respect. Even when you're irritated at the customer service window or are being served a ticket for speeding. Watch your respect level in what you say and how you say it.

2. Don't yell at your kids. Ever. I know-- I've messed that one up before too. But I hate myself for it afterwards. It's much, much better to pre-empt than to have to ask for forgiveness. So don't yell at them.

3. This is perhaps the most important one of all: Speak to your spouse with kindness and dignity. Do that ALL the time. Treating your child's other parent with love will go further in teaching respect than almost anything else you can do. It's not bad for the marriage, either! If you're a single parent that interacts with your ex, speak respectfully and kindly to your former spouse too.

Do this- listen to yourself this week as you interact with people around you, including your children. Do you like what you hear? Can you improve? Little ears are listening, and little eyes are watching. What are you really teaching them?"

I promised a few other ideas on my blog today on modeling. So here are a few easy things you can do that really go a long way:

Use "please" and "thank you" with your kids constantly. Now, don't roll your eyes here. I'm talking about going beyond asking them something and adding a "please" on the end. When they're really little-- perhaps too little to talk yet-- you start teaching them the please/thank you combo. Hand a toddler something and say, "Thank you." Or, if they reach for something, say, "Please" before you give it to them. Even really little children CAN learn to say these words on a regular basis once they begin talking, so why not start at the very beginning?

Model nice use of grammar wtih your kids. I really hate it when I hear dads refer to their son as "Dude" or say things like "We was going..." Moms, you too. Speak well in your home. Work at it if it doesn't come naturally to you because you weren't raised in a home with correct and articulate language. It's a gift you can give to your children, so it's worth the effort.

Those are two biggies, in my opinion, so I'm going to stop here. I dont' want to overwhelm you. Just remember that modeling and teaching go hand-in-hand, so be sure to do both. If you only have one or the other, you're going to miss out on a huge part of your child's upbringing.