Over-Exuberant Parents

Written by Anne Wiggins

Monday, 13 February 2012 15:16

As a parent, you're told to praise, praise, praise your child. But is your kid getting a little tired of living with a cheerleader? On this Monday's Heads-Up Parenting Tip (90.9 fm Arizona at 3:35p MST), I give you a heads up on why over-exuberance isn't necessarily the most healthy way to respond to the small achievements your child has day-to-day. Here's what I said:

"Do you know over-exuberant parents? Their intention is always to support and encourage their kids. But you can usually spot them because you hear their

cheerleader-like voices calling out 'Great job!! Way to go!! Fantastic!!! Good job!!!' It's usually pretty incessant and directed toward behavior such as riding a bike, answering a question correctly, or finishing their tuna fish sandwich.

The thing with over-exuberant parents is that they can be SO encouraging and supportive, their words quickly mean nothing. I have never yet heard a sports team say, 'Man, those cheerleaders said the nicest things about us during the game today.' Cheerleaders are simply there to cheer, and the players tend to tune them out. When parents become cheerleaders, kids do the same thing.

If you have a child who doesn't feel confident, he may even choose to act up right after you compliment him. He might feel like he can't possibly live up to what you're saying, and he'll prove it to you so you'll stop.

Your best word as a parent is the word 'good.' When your kid does something like ride a bike or get an answer right, the word "good" is sufficient. Really. Like, 'That was good.' Obviously, if they do something ridiculously fantastic, you can cheer. But save the cheering for special moments- not for putting on shoes or catching a ball.

Remember that you can be supportive and kind without losing your mind every time your child does something right. Remember that the word 'good' is your best friend, and use that instead."

I want to be sure no one misunderstands what I said in my radio broadcast above. I'm NOT saying that you should withhold encouragement from children or refuse to praise them when they do something well. For some reason, Americans tend to be rather extreme in their views on this subject- one way or the other. What I'm trying to say is "land somewhere in the middle." Don't lose your mind and over-praise your child, but don't let your kid grow up without compliments either.

Be reasonable. If your child does something well, tell them it was good. Or thank them. Smile, give them a little pat.... whatever you think is appropriate. If they win some sort of award and they're really excited, be excited with them. Just use common sense. Don't swing your pendulum too far in either direction, and you should hit a healthy balance.