Your Family's Unique Position

Written by Anne Wiggins

Monday, 30 January 2012 19:29

What?? You don't let your kids do the same stuff that all their FRIENDS do?!

On this Monday's Heads-Up Parenting Tip (90.9 fm Arizona at 3:35p MST), I give you a heads up on how to stay strong as a parent when your standards conflict with the prevailing morals of today's typical family. Here's what I said:

"I know that as parents, we sometimes feel pressured to be like other families. Our kids are adept at pointing out that their friends' parents let them see certain movies, dress a certain way, or use words that you may not feel comfortable with.

When our children use the line 'everyone else's parents let them do it!', we're tempted to either reason with our children why this is NOT a good idea, or we simply give in. I have a better idea for you.

Instead of justifying your choices when they run counter-culture (and I hope your family choices do run counter-culture), why not celebrate the fact that your family is indeed different?

So when your child complains that all the other kids are allowed to watch a TV show that you feel is inappropriate, you can say something like, 'Yes, you are correct! We operate completely differently in this household. While other parents aren't particular about what plays on TV, you are lucky enough to have a mom who IS particular. That means you are more blessed, and God will require more from you in the days ahead. Be ready for whatever He has in store for you, because it's gonna be big.'

See how you can take a potential negative and turn it right around into a positive?

I truly do believe that parents who thoughtfully, diligently, and prayerfully discipline their children set those kids up for greater use by the Lord in the days ahead. So don't be tempted to embrace what the world thinks is fine because your kids want to be like their friends. Celebrate that God has set your family apart and talk about what the Lord may do in the days ahead with a family that's sold-out for Him. Now that's exciting!"

I want to make a clarification here. I'm NOT saying that you should teach your children that your family, of all families, is best... most special... entirely too wonderful for words... and that everyone else's family stinks. This is not the point. The point is that you can either be apologetic for what you stand for ("I'm sorry, sweetheart, but that's just the way it is.") or you can celebrate making a godly choice for the family. Do you see the difference?

I did a post on the difference between judging and evaluating a few weeks ago, and I want to revisit this subject. If we as parents live in fear of ever pointing out anything right or wrong for fear of judging, we raise basically amoral children. How could they know that there even IS a right and a wrong if we don't teach them? On the other hand, judging carries wtih it the implication, "I'm so glad WE'RE not like that" or "I can't BELIEVE she would do something like that." This is not healthy, not godly, and should have no place in our homes.

The bottom line is that you can evaluate without judging. What does God want for our family, and how do we get there? How can we please the Lord and not focus on just pleasing ourselves? How can we lead others to follow us in that adventure without looking down on them or making them feel like we're judging them?

There is a balance, it can be struck, and kids can grow up both standing for what is right (no matter how lonely it may be) AND being non-judgmental. It takes a lot of concerted effort and modeling in your own life, but it's worth it.